再见了,我的木头房子
虽然离我不是太远,可还是很害怕走近它。
为什么?我问自己。为什么呢?
想了很久,终于找到一个理由:又不是成功人士,扮什么衣锦还乡?
但是,偷偷地看一看总是可以吧?
应该可以吧?
一定是可以地。
这样想着,我推开了那扇院门——已经不是木头门了,换成了铁门。
院子里乱糟糟灰扑扑,已经没有一点人气,槐花树没有了,葡萄架不见了,只有墙角的厕所还在。屋子后面的水井被埋在碎瓦砾里——花草呢?小鱼缸呢?我洗澡的御用大木盆呢?
从前不是杨柳依依,现在也不是雨雪霏霏,抬头看我的小木楼,不过十三年的光景,怎么就变得这样破败呢?
朝四周望了望,踮着脚尖鬼鬼祟祟地沿着台阶上去——我的小鸽子们呢?它们为什么不在我身边飞来飞去?可恶的黑猫呢?它为什么又不跟在鸽子们身后乱窜?曾经无数次被我赤裸着脚丫踏过去的楼板呵,为什么现在才发出咯吱咯吱的感慨?
房间的门轻轻一推就开了——得要怎样偏僻的村落才会任这样大的房子空着啊!我呼吸着有可能在十三年前曾经被我呼吸过的空气,用眼睛和思维把过去和现在连为一体——袅袅青烟从爷爷的烟斗中飘出来,凉床上,我躺在爷爷身边,给他抓痒痒,一边还看着阳台上的奶奶在绳子上晾出一排汗衫裤衩。袁世海李少春的《野猪林》从家里最值钱的东西——留声机里飘荡出来,听的我小心肝一惊一惊。
——就这么过去了?没有了?与不可预知的未来一起,这不可能重来的过去都要抢着成为人生的悲剧?
我悄悄地退了出来,屏气凝神,把因为哀伤而呕出的那口血又吞了回去。悄悄地下楼,悄悄地离开庭院,掩上冰冷的铁门。
神不知鬼不觉。
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