不是我

一秒钟过去了，一分钟过去了，一刻钟过去了，720妙钟过去了，我们流着口水苦苦等候的炸鸡翅膀和拔丝苹果始终不见奶妈端上来。
莫非Y自己偷偷做好吞了？想到这里我不由得倒吸一口凉气，急忙吩咐琪子吩咐楼主拿粪杈子将这偷嘴婆娘叉将来。
还没等楼主动身呢，奶妈端着盘子进来了。
楼主急性子，粪杈子都没丢，直接拿着就准备叉盘子里的东西。奶妈一看也急了，噌地跳到桌子上高举着盘子大叫：“还没有好哪！”
“什么？还没有做好？没做好你端上来干哈（第二声）？”楼主叉了个空，气急败坏，口水喷了我一脸。
“厨房没有油了，没有油怎么炸？”奶妈拿下盘子，我们一看，果然，鸡唷还是那个鸡，苹果唷还是那个苹果。
“那，在哪里才能弄到油？”琪子饿的一个劲吮手指，腮帮子吮的陷进去一大块－－好一个塔里木盆地！
“本村长知道！油，是从花生里面榨出来地！”
“村长真伟大！那么，是怎么榨的呢？”
看着琪子崇拜的眼神，我得意地打了一个响指。
“是！”奶妈立即递上来一个石头碗和一根石头杵。我从裤子口袋里掏出了一粒花生米儿－－那还是我在当村长之前去吃村里废人和稻子的喜酒时偷来藏着的，预备我娶媳妇的时候可以省点花销。我将花生米儿放进碗里，然后拿着石杵用力地捣去。在石杵碰到花生米的一瞬间，花生米惊恐地往旁边一避，BIU地一声，居然飞了出去，直扑楼主的面门。－－MD眼看暗算就要成功，那小子英俊的面庞立刻就要毁于一旦了，说时迟，那时快，只见楼主一个鹞子翻身鲤鱼打挺恶虎扑食猴子偷桃（难度系数3. 5，每个裁判都给了他满分，他是银河系的骄傲！）噗地一下以迅雷不及掩耳盗铃之势将花生米夹在了两指之间。
楼主瞪着我，冷酷的眼睛里好像在嗖嗖地飞着隐形小刀子。“横！”他咬了咬牙，一使劲，嘿！居然将花生米捏成齑粉，还流了一滴黄澄澄的油出来！
“哗！太神奇了！”琪子急忙拿空瓶子接住了那滴花生油，可是又犯了愁，“这样榨油，要榨到哪天才能满上一瓶啊？”
“唉，那就只好破费叫卖油郎来一趟了。”奶妈无可奈何地说。
当当当当－－党！睡觉的鱼扮卖油郎上。
“打油咧打油咧打油诗咧！”睡鱼唱（雨打芭蕉）：“自从高价娶了花魁娘子川上，夜夜床头跪，日日还债忙，酒吧泡不得，MM不能望，悔啊，好向往以往做流氓的时光也！”
“也你个头！”鱼骨头扮奶妈上，“卖油郎，快到村长办公室来，我们要打油！”
“来着！”卖油郎唱（慢性支气管炎），“昨晚没有尿床，知是财神到访，狠心宰他一通呵－－谁令他是村长！嘿嘿。”
卖油郎见村长。村长喝：“卖油郎，你的油打多少钱一斤？”
卖油郎又见琪子。卖油郎画外音：“呵吓吓！这小娘子生的好生俊俏也，我家川上虽说是个上厅行首，也不及她十分之一啊！我的脑袋么，好似破脸盆被敲了一闷棍呵！（唱，剐人有疾）我地热情，哦！好像一把火，燃烧了整个地沙漠。。。慢着，今日我家那只雌老虎不在，我要好好过过眼瘾！”
卖油郎画内音：“村长少爷，这油价么，容小的算一算呵！”
“怎么？还要算么？”
“是呵，我这油是卖三分钱一克地，少爷您问一斤呵，就要算算了。”
“那你就算算吧！可不准算的有差错！”
“是，少爷！”卖油郎唱（大古书），“一克三分钱，两克六分钱，三克九分钱。。。”
“慢着！卖油郎，一斤有多少克啊？”琪子问。
卖油郎作揖：“啊，小娘子，这一斤么，足足有五百克呢，可要慢慢算，不能错呵！”
又唱：“一克三分钱，两克六分钱，三克九分钱。。。。”
两天过去了。
卖油郎作唤醒村长状科：“村长少爷，算好啦！这一斤油么，要村长少爷您十五快钱呵！”
村长作付钱兼呻吟科：“卖油郎，我再给你一块钱，麻烦去村东头跑腿叫医生来呵，我们都饿昏了。。。。”
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