抓周

Sep 4th, 2005

再过一个多月就是宝宝的抓周日了,到时候除了要隆重庆祝宝宝的第一个生日之外,宝宝还要在众目睽睽之下抓周,所谓一抓定终身,宝宝抓到的东西,不但会影响到她的将来,还会影响到亲戚朋友们对她的看法以及寄予的期望值高低。所以不能等闲视之。
训练应该开始了。老实说我的宝宝也并非身无长技,可是说出来有点怕你们这些成年人自觉惭愧,比如说,宝宝自小懂得“产品分类法”——什么叫“产品分类法”?就是硬度,颜色,质地不同的便便,决不一起拉出来——昨天上午2小时之内,宝宝便便四次,分别为硬&黑、稍硬&褐、软&土黄、稀&柠檬黄,你也许会说:一起拉出来多方便?可是我的宝宝有责任心,有原则,行事绝不偷懒。
如何训练呢?让宝宝在抓周的时候抓什么呢?我认为为了宝宝将来的名誉,还是抓书比较好,宝宝将来是要成为大人物的,大到什么地步呢?大到能够被写入宇宙史——你也许会冷笑:什么人?居然可以被写入宇宙史?
什么人?我的宝宝当然不会是简单的人——一个这么小就懂得产品分类法的人怎么会简单?不但我的宝宝不简单,我宝宝的妈妈——就是我——也不简单啊!
顺便说一下,我是怎么意识到我是一个不简单的人的——那还是上上个星期在青岛的石老人海滨浴场,那是我第一次看见大海,当即脱下鞋子朝它狂奔而去,心里高叫着:大海,你真的有好多水啊!结果,当我的脚一踏进海水中,便听到有人兴奋地狂叫:涨潮了!我还没眨眼,一个浪便朝我扑了过来. 事后,我激动地给鱼骨头发了短信,告诉他,一个浪过后,我的假牙没被卷去——我赢了,在人和自然的较量中,我写下了光辉的一笔!
既然我已经写下了这光辉的一笔,那么我就应该继续写下光辉的无数笔,这光辉的无数笔,将会凝成一部气势恢宏的宇宙史!!(注意,不是屎!)
你想想,既然老妈是写宇宙史的,女儿会不在上面留名?
既然宝宝的未来是这样地那个,那么我就应该有训练好她的职责了。我决定从今天晚上10点钟开始,把书本盖在奶瓶上,诱宝宝去抓,那个时候,宝宝正当昏昏欲睡,为了吃奶,哪里顾的上别的?一定会一把将书抓起,到时候,我会趁她还没来得及将书扔掉的时候,用准备好的照相机迅速拍下,作为证据保存,在以后的宇宙史上,写下:名人读抓抓,自幼受母亲熏陶,酷爱读书. 天天这么训练她,等到抓周的那天,我想根据条件反射的原理,就算是书下没有奶瓶,宝宝也应该会照样扑过去吧?
我有信心,我极度有信心!!
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